Third games

Before today's post, here is some non-football advice. If you set your shower to lukewarm, stand in it naked for a minute or two then go back to your laptop without completely drying off, it is possible to feel briefly normal. I cannot adequately describe the thrill of this, and I speak as someone who can usually describe things. You may have to put up with the water on your head dripping down your glasses, but it's a small price to pay.

Onto the matter at hand. Let me take you back to the 1982 World Cup. Twenty four countries took part, divided into six groups of four, and the top two in each group went through to the next stage. It was business as usual in many ways. England topped their group but then crashed and burned, while Scotland huffed and puffed but got sent home early, to think again.

Something new and exciting happened in Group 2, though. For the first time in a World Cup an African nation did well. Algeria beat West Germany, lost to Austria but then beat Chile 3-2 to finish the group with four points (two points for a win back then) and a good chance of going through. It all depended on the outcome of the last game, between Germany and Austria.

The game was competitive enough for the first ten minutes, but then Germany went a goal up. This was an unfortunate scoreline, because it meant that Germany and Austria would go through at Algeria's expense if no more goals were scored.

Both teams had clearly realised this, because the last eighty minutes were played out in what could politely be described as a co-operative spirit. I remember watching it with a mounting sense of outrage. The mainly Spanish crowd, who after all had paid good money to watch an honestly contested World Cup match, booed and chanted for Algeria. Even the German and Austrian fans were unimpressed.

No rules had been broken, and FIFA had no grounds to stop Germany and Austria going through while Algeria went out. The game went down in history as the Disgrace of Gijon. It felt like the football establishment had closed ranks to keep the Africans out. More than anything, it was flat out embarrassing for all concerned.

I'm only telling you about it because it led to a rule change that still affects us today. Every group has four countries and every country plays three games each, as before, but in modern World Cups the final two games in each group are played at the same time. This is to reduce the chances of that kind of collusion.

It's the fairest way to do it, but it does create a challenge for the viewer. I tend to record both games, pick one to start with and switch between them depending on where the drama is. Yesterday that meant I started with the Brazil Scotland game, but once the inevitable started to happen I switched to Morocco against Haiti, which for some time threatened an upset.

The other thing you need to understand if you want to follow events is that finishing third no longer means a country definitely gets knocked out. Previously, there were thirty two teams in eight groups. The top two in each group would go through to the knockout stage while the bottom two would go home. Sixteen countries left, each knockout game eliminates one, so sixteen games left including the third place playoff (I'll explain that one in three weeks).

Now we have forty eight countries in twelve groups of four, which have to be whittled down to thirty two for the first knockout round. This means that the twenty four teams who finish first or second still go through, but so do eight of the twelve teams that finish third. Which eight is decided by putting all twelve into an imaginary group based on the three games they've played, and sorting them in order of points, then goal difference, then goals scored. The top eight get a knockout game, the bottom four go home.

Scotland are in the twelve, and despite what you may have heard it was always the best they could realistically hope for after they were drawn in a group with Brazil and Morocco in it. We are waiting to hear who else is in the twelve, and whether Scotland will make it into the eight.

Sorry about the lack of posts recently. It's been a bit hot. Today it was very hot indeed, then it cooled down a bit but I had a drink, and unfortunately the overlap went the wrong way so I was hot and drunk and was never cool and sober. I wasn't going to click Publish until tomorrow, but the scotch has emboldened me and I have decided to roll the dice. I just hope I remembered not to say cunt. I should be all right, I don't think Ronaldo even came up.