France

"Next, some thoughts on how the group phase went and what it tells us about where football is now." This turned out to be hubristic. I had to go back to work for a couple of days, and it knocked me out of my rhythm.  You might not think the regularity of posts was metronomic before, and you wouldn't be wrong. I did try with the group phase piece, but it came out with many statistics and no funny so I couldn't see the point. Anyway, I watched France last night and now I can't think about anything else.

Yes, I said work. In the middle of the World Cup! Can you imagine? Honestly, the indignities that I have to endure. I'm off today though, and at liberty to share my thoughts on France.

When I say France, I really mean Kylian Mbappe. It was his game last night, and he is football's Mozart right now. Mozart is the wrong nationality, but there aren't any French composers quite like Mozart, just like there aren't any Austrian footballers quite like Mbappe. The English don't quite hit those heights in either field, but by god we're in a lot of fields so that will have to be our USP.

Watching Mbappe score is like listening to Mozart in that you don't know what he's going to do until he's done it, but then after he's done it you can't see how he could ever have done anything else. If you'd prefer a footballing metaphor, he reminds me a lot of Thierry Henry. Henry had that same air of inevitability about him, gliding through defences like nothing they did mattered before sliding the ball home like he was always meant to.

Do by all means go in the comments and tell me that isn't a metaphor it's a simile. What am I going to do, call you a pedant? What's that in my eye? Oh dear, I think it's a beam.

Later last night, Mexico saw off Ecuador. This was more like a Bruce Springsteen concert, raucous and fun without reminding you of Mozart at any point. If England beat Congo DR tonight we'll play Mexico next, and it will probably be a fair fight.

Let us not speak of Germany or Paraguay, except to say that if any of the current Motherwell squad were from either country they'd have a good shot at an international career. I normally root for Germany because the flag wankers don't like them, but they were a hard team to get behind on Monday. Paraguay won on penalties, and the good news for England is that we could definitely win a shoot out against at least one team. Not that we'll be playing them, because they'd have to beat France to get to us and that just isn't happening.

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